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3. The college of whose dreams?
Time to visit campuses. Your role is to:
A. Plan the itinerary, cramming in as many schools as possible. At each one, inundate both student guide and admissions officer with questions you know your son won't think to ask, meanwhile furiously taking mental notes so you can spell out pluses and minuses.
B. Beg off the trip; it would mean missing your weekend golf game.
C. Offer to go, but don't insist if he prefers doing it himself. If you do go, allow your son to tell you what he thinks before sharing your thoughts.
ANSWER: You'll get no extra credit (A) for monopolizing the tour guide but will probably succeed in embarrassing your child. And before talking up or trashing a school too much, remind yourself: "Who's going to college in September?" Still, visiting campuses as a family can be an opportunity to bond and just have fun together. So rather than excuse yourself (B), why not add a golf match to the mix? However you arrange the trip (C), let your kids do the talking, says Hingle. "You're the listener, the sounding board, not the decider."
4. Coaching 101 (test prep version)
It's junior year, the start of SAT/ACT season. Though it's still early in the year, you:
A. Worry. True, your child has taken test-prep courses since middle school, but is that enough? Should you hire a tutor? These tests are do-or-die!
B. Tune out. It's just another test.
C. Talk to your child about schools he's considering and the tests they require or recommend. Use that as a guide to discuss whether he needs, or wants, help preparing and what would work best.
ANSWER: For middle schoolers and high school sophomores, pursuing interests is a better use of time than SAT review courses (A), parenting experts agree. But ignoring the tests (B) may not be realistic, given that most colleges require or recommend the SAT or ACT. Nonetheless, think about review courses (C) "only once you know what areas you need to strengthen, if at all," says Thompson. The only universal bottom line: Keep track of test registration deadlines!
5. Advice without consent: let me assay your essay!
Application deadlines loom. Your daughter has completed the essay. Your job is to:
A. Rewrite it according to what you think the college wants to hear: not that she's another aspiring theater major but a practical-minded future nursing home administrator!
B. Say, "Finally!"
C. Offer congratulations; ask if she'd like you to proofread.
ANSWER: Proofreading (C) is a fine idea, and some adult feedback is par for the course. So is breathing a sigh of relief (B)—just leave out the nonsupportive digs. At the opposite extreme (A), "admissions officers can spot an essay written by a hired gun," says Katy Rinehart, who spent 14 years as an admissions officer at Hampshire College and is now director of college guidance at Moorestown (N.J.) Friends School. Case in point: The parents' intervention in the real-life case above (A) resulted in a rejection.
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